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Joe DeRouen, Author of the Small Things trilogy: Why do I bother?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Why do I bother?

It's been over a year since I last posted to this blog, and almost that long since I worked on my third novel. I need to get out there, contact agents, submit stuff, but the whole process is so frustrating. Agents don't seem to want you unless you can guarantee to make them a mint, and who can? Publishers don't want you without an agent.

And yet I know some people make it through this vicious cycle. Do I not have the dedication? Am I just going to let my 2.75 novels languish forever on my hard drive? Am I really willing to give up? I have no idea. As of now, I'm frustrated, but at least half of that frustration comes from myself, my seeming inability to get off my ass and get back into the query game.

Do I self-publish? I know some people have has success with that, but would I? I dearly want a real contract from a real publishing house and a real advance check, but as it stands now, no one is reading my novels. Wouldn't it be better that people at least have the chance to read them, even if they were only print on demand and ebooks?

I don't know. I do know that the novels are good, well-crafted, and intelligent works of art, if I do say so myself. I'm a good writer, and my novels are certainly better than some of the dreck I see being published out there. So why not me? Why do I seemingly lack that drive to keep pushing, pushing, pushing, to make it happen? Am I afraid to succeed? Do I overestimate my own talent? I just don't know.


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